Enough!

I awoke this morning in a tizzy! I was sweating, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I was truly sad and angry at the same time. I had a terrible dream. I dreamed of a family that, in my dream, were close friends. In reality I did not know them at all. But in my dream they seemed as close as family. The husband had found a new girlfriend, and was going to leave his wife and children and pursue a relationship with this other woman. In my dream, I looked at the husband and said, "She will never be enough, you know?" And then I looked at his girlfriend and said, "And he will never be enough either." 

The children of the family in my dream had come to me crying, uncertain of how to respond to everything. I know how they felt all too well, and I tried to console them, hugging them, praying with them and crying with them. 

When I woke up, the emotions were still there, and I began to wonder why I had such a dream. I began to think of when I was in college. I had the mentality that I would truly be complete and fulfilled when I got married. I remember as a newlywed all of the hopes and expectations. And then that first year of marriage smacks you in the face. You realize that marriage is not about yourself! It is about your spouse! And while marriage is fulfilling and rewarding in so many ways, it is not the fairy tale cake walk into a life of endless bliss that you had imagined it would be! So my mentality changed. "If I could just have a child, I will be fulfilled and complete." And though I do not come out and say this in such a vain way, it has been an underlying theme in this stage of my life. Am I truly buying into this lie, that my life will be complete "if" or "when"? Most of the time, sadly, I think I do. 

Then I thought about if I take everything away. Take away the husband, the family, the house, take away the freedoms I have, take away the nice clothes, and take away the abundance of food. What am I left with? I would be left with Jesus. He would be all that I have. Would he be enough? It seems that in other countries where Jesus is all they have, He is more than enough! And in truth, if that was all I had I think He would be enough too. So why is my mind always going on to the next thing that I want today? I am surrounded by so much abundance and yet I am seeking the next thing. I know if I let Him be enough, he will be more than enough! 

Regardless of what I have or have not, my goal is to surrender each day to Him, and in turn receive the peace, fulfillment, and satisfaction that I know only He can bring! If I continue to seek fulfillment from anywhere else, I will continually be disappointed. 

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold

I'd rather be his than have riches untold

I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands

I'd rather be led by his nail pierced hands

Than to be the king of a vast domain

or be held in sin's dread sway

I'd rather have Jesus than anything

this world affords today.

He's fairer than lilies of rarest bloom

He's sweeter than honey from out the comb

He's all that my hungering spirit needs

I'd rather have Jesus and let him lead.